Complexity meets simplicity..
It's Halloween today! Trick or treat?! Sometimes I cant help but wonder how fun it will be to go around knocking doors for sweet treats. Alas, I have already outgrown the age. boohoo...
I had a most terrible experience last night. Thank God He was around and I am now safe and sound. ^.*
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Am I open to a relationship? A question which had popped up a number of times this year. Perhaps. I am not really sure either. I think I am still rather apprehensive towards committment. Not that I am some mega flirt who delights in fooling around. I am just very much hesitant about having another person in my life - trying to understand each other and to make things work out. Of course it is great to have someone to share your troubles and woes with but the idea of having to accomodate another person, to have to place his priority alongside mine and perhaps at times having to compromise, does not sound very appealing. I guess I am a self-centerd person? lol. Not exactly. I just have not found the person I am willing to sacrifice part of my life for. haha. Moreover, at this age, I feel that my boyfriend will potentially become my husband. Then again, I can't visualise my husband as of now. To envision the characteristics I want my husband to have seems like a tedious chore. It has always been kind of randomly popped out when asked and these characteristics usually vary from time to time. And having been reminded that I am no longer young, it's about time I start listing them down - in black and white.
Apart from the fundamentals of having the same beliefs as me, he should (preferably) possess the following:
1. Patience (and in this sense I mean alot! with the crazy world I live in, he has to be really understanding)
2. Love for people (not in the flirt sense of love but compassion)
3. Confidence (not some egomaniac but he should be secure and firm)
4. Humor (must be of the same frequency and not some lameo)
5. Maturity (behaving and responding as the situation calls for it)
6. Spirit of excellence (putting his best in whatever he does)
7. Financial stability (having sufficient, definitely not in debts or living hand-to-mouth day by day)
8. Wisdom (able to advise but not judge)
9. Cheerful outlook (outgoing and sociable people are easier to get along with *.^)
10. Height and build (must be at least 1.7m and not too scawny not too fat)
Of course the list is not all encompassing. Ideally, they make a man a Man. My sister said I think too highly of myself but well quoting from my student, "You are going to live with this man for the rest of your life!"
Thursday, October 23, 2008
the school term has officially come to an end. what are the consequences of 2 and a half months away from school? when your brain is left idle and homework is the last thing on your mind. Cast all your cares upon Him!
I have been rejected once again... Now... what should I do?? Should I settle for second best? or is it not even the second best?
Going to Science Centre tomorrow. :p
Friday, October 17, 2008
It’s the International day for Eradication of Poverty. It is the day when we reflect on how fortunate we are and take some time to think for the poor. Though I’m not exactly sure of the significance of the gesture, I have been folding hearts for the past 4 hours. Sitting on the floor of the hall with my students, I have been diligently folding paper hearts out of magazine paper. I suppose the hearts is symbolic of our love for the impoverished. However simple the act may be, it’s the thoughts that count! (at least to me, that is) Sometimes it is not a matter of what you do but the time and efforts you put in that truly show how much you really care.
Overall, the heart-folding session was great, with plenty of opportunities to bond with our students. Being in their midst, you get to see things from their perspectives. Let’s say I’ve been pleasantly surprised by my student’s flattering comments. *.* Perhaps I might miss them when I go into NIE in January.
Of late, I realized the people around me has gone crazy, in particular the men. They are telling me things which make no sense to me at all. One thing that intrigues me is how can you have a liking for someone you barely talk to? Infatuation or love-at-first-sight is simply too unfathomable. How can feelings of affection sprout when there’s hardly any interaction between two? Instead, they are likely to be warped feelings of love and lust which are momentary and fleeting. When the desire wears off, the person will boot. In my humble opinion, love is built on communication. Consistent communication is the key ingredient to a healthy relationship, for two hearts to beat in unison.
Am I fast becoming a love cynic or an idealist? Perhaps I tend to rationalize too much?
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I can never comprehend the workings of a male brain. Should I say it is simplistic in nature or the males choose to selectively ignore the undesirable aspects? Perhaps I do still belong to the old school of thoughts. In my opinion, it is best not to go out individually with a guy (who used to like me) but has just gotten attached. Not that I no longer regard him as a friend, instead it is for the best interests of both parties. It is my guiding principle never to get myself into a situation which compromises my integrity. Why risk getting misunderstood when I could have averted it by going out in groups? However understanding a girl may be, she definitely would feel uneasy, knowing that his boyfriend is going out with another girl, what more a girl he used to like. Call me narrow-minded or a stick-in-the-mud, but well… do not onto others what you do not want others to do onto you. I definitely do not wish for my boyfriend to go out with other girls when we are together. The tortures of having to act nonchalant when deep inside you are struggling with anxiety. Of course we should always be self-secure and have faith in our partner. Being overly-dependent and 'sticky' will suffocate the other party. What puzzles me is the timing. It is perplexing to know my boyfriend rather goes out with his friends than spend quality time with me, especially if we have just become official. If I have just gotten together with a guy I really like, I will be like an OK-band (plaster). That is the so-called honeymoon period in a relationship and there is no reason why either will choose to spend time with others. Again, that’s just my idealistic view of a romance. Sometimes, I cant help but wonder, am I the only one who still thinks so much?
As though I do not have enough on my plate, I was dished another. It just goes to prove that my hypothesis was right. Someone just drop a sudden bomb on me which caught me totally off-guard. It has never crossed my mind that he may develop a liking for me. How true it is that love strikes when you least expect it.
Someone commented that I seem to be very resistant to relationships. In a sense, he may be right. Somehow, I have very little faith in a genuine, long-lasting relationship in today’s context. The sparks usually die off so rapidly and the passion sizzles off with no warning signs. After the courtship, the man usually becomes complacent and puts in less effort to maintain the relationship. Isn't that a cause for worry that is unless I can accept the fact that it is an inevitable fact of life. Does that mean I plan to remain single for the rest of my life? Hmm.. I am leaving it in God’s hands. He works in mysterious ways and someday He will bring the right person at the right time into my life. For all I know, the person may already be there just that the time is not ripe. *.^
However much I desire to go for the movie trip, I have to stay behind and take charge of my flock. I do miss watching movies in large groups. -_- I want to go on holiday. Anyone for short budget trips?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
it's Day 1 of post-exam activities. none of the items on the itinery concerns me, I have been warming my seat in the staff room. having cleared the piles of scripts due for marking, I can almost taste the sweet smell of freedom. *.^
the only problem with long holidays is.... who will be free to go out with me? sigh..
Monday, October 13, 2008
just like business cycles, so are our emotions. contrary to the economic downturn, it is upward swing for matters of the heart. yes! the season of Love has dawned upon us once again. as the footsteps of Christmas draw nearer, people's hearts are more receptive. that probably explains why you can sniff LOVE all around. as everyone around me starts to pair up, I suppose an alarm bell should start ringing? oh well, let's just say I am a slow cooker in a microwave oven world. I prefer things to go slow and sweet because I believe some things cannot be rushed. it takes time to know a person. what is the point of plunging into a relationship only to get yourself all battered and hurt? when two person get together without much understanding of each other, the feelings wear off once the novelty is passe. unfortunately it is especially so for me. my charm can not sustain the interest of others for long and the affection is usually short-lived. passion can never last for more than three months. is it any wonder that I am beginning to lose faith in the promises of man? of course it does not necessarily apply to man only. woman can say things which they do not mean too. whatever it is, words are nothing without action. increasingly, I am beginning to attest to the fact that all of us are actors in this script we call life.
of course the above are just my two-pence worth of opinion. having said this, I sincerely wish all my friends a blissful relationship. though it is not something I myself advocate of, I do feel happy for them to have found someone worthy to love and be loved. well, things work out differently for people right? I am just an old-fashioned, conservative weirdo who still believes in romantic love stories. (blame it on the japanese dramas i grew up with)
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
It’s Exam Fever! Time of the year when students all over are in a frenzy. Trying to cramp some last minute studying and bugging teachers with all their queries - that’s the trait of all students be it past or present. Admittedly, I was one of those who only ‘hugged the Buddha’s leg at the last minute’. Alongside them in the battle, teachers make use of whatever little time left to provide consultation for the initiated. Other than that and invigilation, I am fairly free, though I am frequently called up for impromptu invigilation.
I read a book the other day which got me thinking. The book mentioned something which is truly interesting. Do the waves ever get bored, hitting on the shores day in and day out? In my opinion, waves do not have emotions so they are incapable of feeling stifled. Then it set me wondering.. How about animals? Do they ever get bored of doing the same things every day? Furthermore, they are unable to change their lifestyle, in particular those domesticated ones. Won’t they ever feel sick of eating the same dog food and walking the same trail? Do they derive pleasure in doing the things that they are commanded to do, as if they have no mind of their own? Sadly, they have no avenue to let out their grouses. More often than not, we have heard people complaining about the mundane of life. We should really learn to change our outlook. Ultimately, how exciting our lives transpire depend on our own initiative. At least we are empowered with the ability to manipulate our environment. And so, I should really stop complaining about the humdrum of life. Get active and be proactive!
