Complexity meets simplicity..
a random deliberation that is partially linked to the previous post. it never fails to puzzle me that guys hide the truth that they are attached to another from the girl they used to like. why is it so difficult to let the girl know? do they intend to woo the girl at the same time? or are they keeping their options open should his relationship not last? tsk.. anyway i can understand if you choose another prettier girl over me. which guy will wait for a girl who is not so pretty and yet like to play hard to get? i know it is inevitable but i feel hurt that the person doesnt intend to let me know. alright. i really cant blame anyone else but myself. i'm no babe and yet i like to test guys' patience. more often than not, he will just go for someone prettier or who doesnt need so much coaxing. will there ever be a guy who will have sustained interest in me?
oh no.. i'm sounding abit depressing. cut. i know God already has plans for me.
i dont really know what to blog and i'm not exactly in the mood. thanks to somebody. oh! it's Halloween today! so i shall not talk about depressing stuff in this entry. Happy tricking or treating!! oh. treat me if you want but dont trick me k? haha.
oh ya. congrats to mr choi who managed to win my sister's heart after so many months. perseverance does pay off! though i'm not sure if they'll last cos like they say, it's only a fling. but their notion of fling is greatly mis-interpreted. to them, their relationship is to be kept under wraps (though they cant escape my infallible observation powers! wahaha) so i told my sis it is more like an 'underground' relationship rather than a fling cos the latter is usually short-lived and not a serious one. obviously this does not apply in their case since the guy was willing to spend so much time and effort in gaining my sis' acceptance. kudos to him cos there aren't many guys like him any more.
brings me to the issue of playing hard to get.
guys always say girls like to play hard to get. hang themself up and pretend to be highly sought after (literal translation from chinese). i beg to differ. just because a girl does not accept a guy's courtship immediately does not translate to being difficult to please. more often than not, it is a girl's way of testing the guy. to see if he has the determination. if he cannot even bother himself to put in effort during the wooing period, what more when they are together. anyway, 1 month is not a long time ok? love is not instant though we live in a world that demands efficiency. but can i reiterate once more, what comes fast ends fast too. you cannot treat love like instant noodles or any instant mix in the market. instead, it is like a stew. the more ingredients you put in and the longer you spend cooking, it will bring out the goodness and sweetness(ok. it sounds like love is so yummy. oops..) isnt there a saying: the best things are worth waiting for. i guess it doesnt really apply in our society now? anyway, i'm just being too idealistic. my sister keep telling me that guys/ makeup are totally different from girls and what i ask for only happens in ou xiang ju. why?! i used to believe there's a guy out there who will treat me nice and good. but now.. the bubble seems to be bursting..
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
it's amazing how stress can cause ppl to be short-tempered. when stessed they will start to say nasty things and that is when the ppl around them suffer. in particular their closed ones. it's sad that ppl say things in a pique of anger only to regret it later. so my advice is: do think carefully before u open ur mouth the next time u are antagonized.
something interesting that i read. ruby is basically aluminium oxide with a tinge (0.05%) of chromium. in case u guys dont know what aluminium oxide is, it is actually rust. anyway back to my point, isn't it amazing that both are the same compound but one is actually a precious stone while the other is not? lol. i know i'm boring u guys out but i'm just trying to be knowledgeable. i'm abit bored in the office. it is not that i dont like my workplace. in fact i really love the ppl here. both my bosses are nice to me and my 2 colleagues like to tease me. it is fun working here but i dont really like the idea of facing the computer whole day. oh ya, not forgetting the uncles at the shops downstairs who wolf-whistle and try to talk to me but i'll always ignore. i bet they are just as sick of their work.
i read this billboard at the bus shelter yesterday. regarding death. hmm.. i wonder how many of us actually fear death? I'll definitely be the first to raise my hand. though regrettably this should not be the case for christians. i cant imagine going up to heaven and paising God all day. that means i dont have to sleep after i die since there is no longer darkness? i guess i lack imagination and faith. i'm just too practical and a child in heart, resisting change. scientifically speaking, i have a strong inertia within me? haha.
i've found new company! joyce is constantly absent from school, leaving me to attend lecures alone. thanks to alister, i'm not alone for 3 lectures and the long long break we have on friday. singapore is indeed very small. from tk so he knows ah lai too! cant believe ah lai is actually quite notorious. haha.
i hate it most when ppl cant be honest. be it their feelings or what not. guesswork and ambiguity just gets on my nerves.
Monday, October 23, 2006
i'm upset. i guess i'm just not as smart. sigh.. perhaps uni life just isnt the one for me. too dumb yet too lazy..
i dreamt of you last night. wonder if you'll dream of me too?
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
serenaded with sentimental songs.(my boss' the man!) shall list down some of my all-time favorites:
1.Cant Help Falling in Love with You by ELvis Presley (though i prefer F4's rendition)
2.When I Fall in Love duet by Celine Dion and Clive Griffin
3.Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill (this tops my list!! cos i absolutely love its lyrics)
4.I've Finally Found Someone duet by Barbra Streisand and Bryan Adams
5.Reality by Richard Sanderson
a test below for those feeling bored like me. :p
Choose a number from the following: 00 21 88 72 13 24 33 99 11
It reflects the relationship btwn u n me. (supposedly)
alright. have u chosen 1 number? no peeking or cheating k?
now for the test result.
00 - nothing btwn u n me
21 - maybe i'm in ur heart
88 - u love me
72 - u hate me
13 - u like me
24 - i'm ur sweetest one
33 - i'm ur dear
99 - i'm ur friend
11 - i'm ur life
satidfied with the results? lol. this is it.
why am i so persistent? i'm just naively waiting for an answer that i'm never going to get. i've been telling myself to be strong, pick myself out from the pit he dug and get on with my life, but it seems abit futile. the more i convince myself not to think about it, in actual fact it remains in my heart even more than ever. some ppl said, in order to be truly set free, one has to let go, completely. can anyone tell me how can i do that? perhaps i'm more narrow-minded and petty, i find it so hard to ignore the niggling feeling within me. but why should i torture myself over another person's problem? when he apparently doesnt care a hoot about me? why am i still trapped in the past when he has actually flushed me out of his system? many many questions but no answers. anyway i guess our problem has become so great such that neither of us is going to take the first move to reconcile. probably we are never going to talk again marking the end of a friendship (or whatever ship we have). i'm tired..
will you go with me to a place if i ask you to? i doubt so. i've been taken for a ride far too many times that i cant help but be pessimistic. often, i've felt that perhaps guys' 'promises' are usually casual responses to a girl's request. after that, they forget all about the matter. but do they know how important it is to the girl? that is why my usual response to them is "we'll see how". cos i know more often than not, they wouldnt remember it. it is safer to keep my expectations low.
i finally know the reason behind my frequent dizzy spells. bp slightly on the low side. that's weird though. how can a fat person has low bp? i attribute it to the haze and the chemicals i'm in touch with every week. seriously, i'm beginning to have second thoughts about pursuing a career in the sciences. i'm a disaster waiting to happen. anyone who shared the same lab group as me can vouch for that (not like it's anything honorable). but hey, at least i brought laughter and amusement too k? lol.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
i'm not supposed to blog till i'm back in the office. but well.. i'm practically falling asleep in the cblc. *yawnx* seems like there's suddenly many deadlines n quizzes. sigh.. i'm supposed to study for the 2 quizzes tmr. but kind of lazy cos the readings are so boring.. oops. and so i was reading through the messages on my chatterbox. suddenly i feel quite blessed. blessed to have a few friends who have always given me moral support. alright. read on to find ur name k?
ah ru - my longest friend ever. though u are in xiamen now, i hope our friendship marathon will never run out of stamina. jia you k? i know u are feeling rather stressed now but have faith in urself!
ph - though we dont really keep in contact now, but thanks for dropping by here at times with ur concern and encouragement! i will always remember the time we went for camp together.
val - i'm glad i knew u from the first day of sch. oh ya. i remembered i was quite a stong then. :x u are one of the greatest friend who always spur me on. powerpuff power~ thanks for all ur jia-you and not forgetting the times we went out after school especially that time when we went to jurong point. hoho. i'll always trasure the times we worked together.
shan - my mountain aka princess daughter! i enjoyed the times we go shopping. be it for presents or to kill time. u must be one of the few whom i take the most neo-prints with. aha. and not forgetting the times we went crazy over chasing stars. really thank u for ur fun and laughter.
yee - my darling~ thanks for always providing a listening ear! i miss ur huggies and the time we went cycling. and i'll never forget that time we went to mediacorp.
wei - my sister! (that's what stan said) anyway i'm really fortunate to know u cos i feel we are the same kind of people. though i might not be as smart. oops. anyway i really enjoyed arts camp (last yr n this yr) bcos of u!
xiang - my lover! (that's what u claimed) i'm glad i know u too. cos u are always so understanding and we are the same kind too. arts camp was definitely more interesting with u. dont ever forget the times we shared a bed together. *hee*
alright. that's about all. actually there's a few more ppl i'm appreciative for. but then no point saying cos they dont access my blog. that's all for now. back to reading my notes for tmr's test. after all the class facilitation was a disaster n we got a grade of B. tentatively. for all i know, it might become a d?
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
woah! flowers delivered to the office! guess who's it for? not my lady boss but... my male boss. tsk-tsk. the rest of us are kpo who it's from? in the end we assume it's from his wife cos it's signed off with an initial. chey~ no fun. haha
exactly a week since i last blogged but it feels like centuries have lapsed.. anyway i guess next time i can only blog when i'm in the office cos my sis laptop doesnt allow me to blog. boo.. so next time i shall update once a week. not like there's anything much to update anyway. now that i'm only left with 1 tuition n telemarketing job.
something's been bugging me for sometime but didnt get the chance to get it off my chest. if i keep it within me anymore, i think i'm going to explode. alright. u say u dont know what is going on between us anymore. seriously i dont too. sometimes i cant help but wonder perhaps there wasnt anything in the first place. ok. n so what we are now is all bcos of me being ambiguous. how do i answer an issue that had never been formally brought up? anyway let's not go into that. i guess u expect me to take the initiative? let's try to recall, though my memory may be failing me, when was the last time u take the first move to sms, msn or even call me? it seems like we had swopped roles as time goes by. and it gets pretty tiring when only one party is making the effort. did i not try to ask u out but u cant make it and then i asked other ppl out. is that wrong? perhaps i shouldnt even have bothered to ask u first or am i supposed to stay home because u haven no time for me? why am i the one who's trying so hard to make time for u but u dont seem to appreciate? ok. i know all of these are only from my point of view which u might not agree with. but this is my blog anyway. i'm entitled to think and write what i want. i know i'm sounding childish and accusing but that's how i am. i guess u are going to get upset reading this but well.. since u said i'm always ambivalent, i shall not be now ok? not like it matters anymore. perhaps i shouldnt say this too. but it's my typical response correct? in my opinion, it wasnt even an issue of trust but one of sincerity and whether u know what u want. my presence now wasnt of as much significance as u thought then. perhaps like i said, u were confused. most probably u've been enlightened and know who or what u want now, which is a good thing.
woke up with a giddy spell n the world seems to be spinning around me. am i falling sick again? yes. as they say, scientists dont live long cos of the chemicals they are in constant contact with. so dont be surprised if i die young. n most probably i'll die fat too(courtesy of my brother in law n sister who brought me fine-dining at Prego and Sheraton Towers)
a song stuck in my head. n it is one which i wanna play at my wedding (that is if i'm going to get married).
If We Hold On Together
by Diana Ross
Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith hope and glory
Hold on to the truth
In your heart
If we hold on together
I know our dreams
Will never die
Dreams see us through
To forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I
Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on till the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Worlds are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let them come
Home to stay
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through
To forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I
When we are out there
In the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark
We'll feel the light
Warm our hearts
Everyone
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through
To forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
whatever it is, life goes on. perhaps it was but a fleeting infactuation. a passion that is short-lived. i may feel betrayed but who am i to question? i'm just a nobody. so, i'll just have to learn to let go. letting go might be painful but it beats feeling anguished n uncertain.
they say the best way to get past a setback is to bury urself in tonnes of work. i guess that's what i'm doing now. since i cant forget, at least i wouldnt have time to think. from today on, besides my tuition n telemarketing, i'm going to work at a cafe with my dear. the pay is miserable though but i'm just there for the experience n to accompany my dear. opening ceremony tonight so we need to be on duty. hoping it'll be fun. :P
picking myself up
Sunday, October 01, 2006
quick post n i shall retire for the day. basically it's just some afterthoughts from the wedding dinner. the whole event was quite entertaining n rowdy. i wonder if next time mine will be like that too? (yeah, i know it's still a long way off :p) cos apparently my sis' wedding was quite quiet apart from the toasting. hope mine wouldnt be like that if not it'll be so sad. a once-in-a lifetime event wor~ lol.
it's been more than a month since i spent the whole night out. went to sing k yest with kn n brian. thanks to the birthday boy, we sang from 11 to 3. waha. but i think i had not have enough of singing still. after that we walked around n went to grab a bite at the kopitiam near my house. i thought i saw a guy who looked like steven. lol. after that, i watched the 2 of them play pool for 1 hr b4 they finally decided to go home. by then it's already 6 plus in the morning. woah. n i only had 3 hrs of sleep.. dazed..
i'm feeling super pissed off. please dont come n irritate me anymore. if there's things i wanna tell u, i will. if i have no intention, no point asking cos u'll just irritate me. n yes! i cant n i wont condone childish behaviour n attitude.
