Complexity meets simplicity..
guess how i've been spending my term break? certainly not mugging (though i wish i can but no laptop means no notes). yes. i know it's an excuse but it's half true k? cos my notes r mostly soft copy n i have no com at home liao.. so cursed the dishonest person who took my laptop!! anyway it's retail therapy week. been spending money like water. n i think xiang is going to nag me. oops. it's alright to indulge n pamper myself once in a while (if not who else will?) 2 more pairs of shoes n i'm done. oh. not forgetting the ice-cream mooncakes! yummy yum yum~ i think i'm gonna grow fatter with all the bingeing n the wedding dinner i'm going to attend on sat. plus point is i get to dress up n justify my spendings! wahaha.
xiang!! when is our sleepover? thought we r supposed to have it during this hol? n shall we DOS gers go sing k lunchie tmr? i miss all of u n ur company. :~
if u had only tried, things might have turned out differently. but if u did not even bother to try, how much more can u expect? just a random thought that i've been thinking. perhaps cos i've been listening too much of james blunt's songs(all thanks to my boss)
GoodBye My Lover
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
tell me how can i forget? it's time to face the truth. i will never be with u..
Monday, September 25, 2006
this is the ultimate. i guess i must be the suayest person alive. or some ppl will say, it's not suay but that i'm just plain careless n blur. but well, in a way i'd say i'm really down on my luck. i mean if i'm lucky the person who picked up my stuff will return it to me? but never!! so much for being nice n honest. i picked up an ipod the other day n i turned it in ok?! anyway, as most of u have already known, i've lost my laptop! as xiang said, the things i lose seem to increase in value each time. what can i say? i think someone has cast a voodoo or set a curse on me. not a year can pass by without me losing anything since as long as i can remember. this yr is the worst! i lost my hp n laptop. i'm so screwed..
anyway i wanna thank all those who've helped me in one way or another to cope with my loss n advising me what to do. Harris, for giving me a lift to the police station although he had something else to do. Xiang, for helping me with the loss report in school. The com center guy( i dont know what's his name) who was so helpful n optimistic. Desmond, Brian, Joyce, Yun n Ni. thanks!! but one person i'd like to complain about is the stupid man i reported the case to. said since it's lost he can only wait for it to be found. idiot! y must he be so rigid n discriminate between a loss n a theft? sucky attitude he gave me lo. hate those ppl in blue (actually just that particular snob cos the rest were quite understanding n helpful)
i always wonder how is it that some ppl can call another person dear or darling or any other affectionate term so easily (like it's natural)? though i had no idea how did my dears n darlings came about so quickly but i guess it was bcos we clicked so well? anyway that was mutual recognition so it's different. anyway what i'm really curious is if u term someone so affectionately, means u care alot for him/her n wanna spend as much time as u can with him/her right? at least that's what i think la. or perhaps my expectations r way too high. like my sister said, i am childish n unreasonable. cos i said i will not get emotionally attached with someone who always doesnt have time for me. then my sis said it's difficult for a person to be always there, no matter how much he/she cares for u. ok. i dont expect 100% but at least 85%. is it too much to ask for?
anyway it doesnt matter now. i'm just going to learn to be independent n not rely on others. cos at the end of it all, the only one who's going to stand beside me always will only be myself.
i dont live for u
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Announcement! exactly 4 months - 2 days to my 21st birthday. can start planning how i wanna celebrate? that's me - ms kiasu. haha. chalet? abit troubesome unless someone else helps me to organise. anyway, i was telling Brian to start saving up - a dollar a day then when the day arrives, he can get me a big big present! hee. ahem. i guess the rest of u got the hint too? lol. just joking k. big or small, it's the thought that counts.
there's this weird guy. said he wanna date me. craziness! he's just broken off with his gf then he's on the rebound. anyway he was saying if he werent together with the girl, we would have been an item. 'IF'. in my opinion, he would not have been with the girl if he didnt like her more then. so what's the point of saying all this now? crap! anyway what makes him so sure i like him? duhx..
do i look like a liar? some ppl asked me if i highlighted my hair again. my answer was no. but they gave me the look of disbelief n asked again n again. like why would i wanna bluff them.. well.. for the benefit of those who didnt know, the blue colour i dyed has faded off to show the blond hair beneath. how is that so? first, to get blue hair, i must first bleach my hair. this is a technique to get ash hair colours which include red, green and blue. but these colours usually have a short lifetime cos they decolourised after a few wash. chemistry behind it is bleaching is a much stronger agent than the normal dye. understood? alright. i know i'm sounding cynical. shall not dwell on the topic anymore. :x
i think i have tried too hard.. doing things that i think are in his interest but i suppose he thinks otherwise. i guess i still dont know what he is thinking but i can feel his change in attitude towards me.. perhaps i have been too naive to think that some things will never change? apparently nothing is eternal. no guy can forever be nice to a girl right? aye.. shouldnt have bothered to be sensitive to others. shall just leave things as they are. it is time to wake up. i had been living in an illusion for the longest time.
i dislike the insecurity that relationships promise..
Monday, September 18, 2006
should i be happy? some ppl say i've grown prettier. but i think i'm not pretty at all. so it means i'm really ugly in the past lor? aye.. i guess that explains why no guys like me? i yearn to be attached but i dread the committment.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
kind of upset when i saw my quiz marks. i got the lowest in the whole cohort with another girl.. can u imagine how bad that is? sigh.. i could have given myself an excuse that i had a fever the day before but well.. fact remains i dont really know what the dumb lecturer is talking about. at least alot ppl failed too though not as bad as me.. n i think the weightage is only about 5%? aye.. second quiz coming up next thurs. i really need to pull up my socks.
what's up with guys nowadays? no money so cannot go out? i'm perplexed. dont they know sometimes it's not about anything but just the company? the time spent together counts more than monetary things. hmm.. not that money is not important at all but sharing and just knowing each other's just beside u is more heart-warming than a dinner or movie date right? perhaps that is why i doubt i can get ever get attached cos i've yet to find someone who can satisfy my emotional needs. guess i'm just too hard to please?
just call my name n i'll be there?
Sunday, September 10, 2006
how guys Express their love
When a GUY is quiet and is alone,
He is thinking how good you're, Miss
you!!!
When a GUY is lying on his bed,
He is thinking deeply why he loves you.
When a GUY looks at you in your eyes,
He wants to tell you how much he loves
you and how important you're.
When a GUY answers "I'm Fine" after awhile,
He is not and feels hurts.
When a GUY keep asking you the same question,
He is wondering why you are lying.
When a GUY hugs you while sleeping,
He is wishing that you belong to him forever.
When a GUY calls you everyday,
He Miss You and wants your attention.
When a GUY wants to see you everyday,
He cares for you and want to know how you are today.
When a GUY smses u everyday,
He wants you to know he is fine.
When a GUY says I love you,
He really means it.
When a GUY says that he can't live without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his future wife.
When a GUY says "I Miss You",
He wants to see you immeditely.
true? i have my reservations. haha.
Friday, September 08, 2006
someone asked me if i still miss my ex or do i still think of getting back together. i'd say this is the only question i can ever be so absolute. not even any hmm.. answer is a firm NO! it has never crossed my mind n will never. when someone's answer was i dont know. i can conclude that it means that a small part of u still like the person. i know it is not easy to put down a relationship, esp a long one. if one can really let go so easily, his feelings will be rather questionable too. aha. i'm being contradictory. anyway, just be honest with ur own feelings(that's what i think), there's nothing wrong with missing ur ex.
am i having a phobia of getting into a relationship? hmmx.. probably. sometimes i think being frens is less risky than getting attached. at least i wouldnt have to try to accomodate him. but well.. the bad side of it is frens wouldnt see the need to be always there for u n u cant expect them to be too. n that's when sometimes i envy ppl who r attached. but seems like no one wanna get into a relationship with me? perhaps i dont provide a sense of security or maybe they r just not that serious enough.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
i want to blog but i dont know what to blog. aha. guess there are just too many things weighing on me? anyway, shall dedicate this entry to sr.
hmm.. sometimes i think i dont understand u that well. cos i feel that u've changed. or maybe it's not change but just that during secondary school days u were not given a chance to pursue what u want in life. anyway it's not a bad thing either. at least u get to do what u like n u have the courage which i lacked, to fight for ur heart's desires. i dont know if u feel the same. but sometimes i feel sad that our friendship has lapsed during the times in jc. somehow though, i know i can still count on u if i need support. n i hope u feel the same too. i'll always remember the times we went to the hawker near my aunt's. n u'll always buy longan drink (u still buy them now). waha. those were the carefree days n we can talk about anything under the sun. my confidante! now that u are leaving, not sure how long it will be b4 we can do that again. anyway, i wish u all the best. follow ur heart n dont change ya? take care!
ps. let me know the time of ur flight so i can send u off.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
went for 4l gathering last nite. i think it's the first since we graduated? actually i tink 2nd ba. lol. anyway i wouldnt really call it a class gathering. cos not everyone was invited. total of 7 girls n 7 guys. oops. hmmx.. the girls haven really changed. i guess it's bcos sometimes i still see them around or meet them. as for the guys.. hmm.. i must say i wasnt able to recognise a few of them. partly bcos i wasnt wearing my specs too. great time of catching up n mahjong session. woo~ i like to play mahjong. waha. n a fun phototaking time too. jm's brother is such an actor (btw he is. he's the most handsome one of the yong bu yan bai show) he's so comical. n isnt it nice to know that there's ppl around u who is in the show biz. anyway dropped by at nancy's house b4 we made our way down together. surprised her mummy still recognised me. i haven been to their house for about 2 yrs lo. sigh. those were the days.. as me n nancy reminisced on the drive back.
to be without feelings is to be safe. to be aware, to feel deeply, is to court danger to oneself.
Friday, September 01, 2006
retail therapy! though it's only at the sch bazaar but i spent 30 bucks. n it's nice to go to arts cos that's where i see all my frens. bumped into quite a number of my sec sch frens too. hmm.. so that's where all of them r.. either that or in ntu.. y dont i see any of them in science, esp chem? hmmx..
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