Complexity meets simplicity..
enjoying life for the past few days. indulged in Swensen's ice-cream on Sunday, hit the beach at Sentosa on Monday, lunch at MOS with Alister and dinner with Jackson at Beppu on Tuesday and finally dinner at Ding Tai Fung with my girlfriends on Wednesday. i guess the holiday mood has officially set in. as the first week after examinations was spent grappling with the demise of my ah ma, i barely had time to take a break. perhaps it was also the death of my grandmother that knocked me to my senses. just as my brother-in-law said after the cremation, ultimately you bring nothing with you to the grave. indeed wealth and riches are merely worldly possessions which you have no use for when your time on Earth is up. truly there are other things which are more worthy of your time.
matters pertaining to graduation trip are finally more or less settled. for now, it's just waiting for saturday to come. seriously, i realised i am not made out to be a planner. all the time spent on sourcing for the package, deciding on the destination and attending to all the nitty-gritty sure dampens my mood. i would rather everything is planned properly and i only have to show up on that day itself. well.. i know that makes me sounds like a lazy bummer. i admit i probably am one. haha. i guess it's just not my cup of tea to plan for a trip. i definitely dont mind planning for small gatherings though. ^.*
will be off to korea and hong kong from 24th to 31st. contact me on my mobile if necessary. it is mandatory for those who expects a present to be there to send me off. lol. my flight is at 0830 at T1.
Friday, May 16, 2008
the past week had been a most difficult time since i was of knowledge years. somehow, after it all, everything just seemed surreal.
11.05.08 Day 0
my grandmother's fever had finally subsided after 4 days. theoretically speaking, it was a good thing as it signifies that the body had stopped fighting the disease. this could either mean the virus had been defeated or the virus had reigned. from the drastic drop of her blood pressure, it is indicative that the illness had prevailed. we were warned to be prepared for the worst. statistics of similar cases among elderly patients infected with pneumonia was awfully discouraging. majority of them pass away within the day or the next, those with stronger determination can hold on for a week while miracles do happen. considering her age, her immunity level is dangerously low and we were told not to expect too much. my sister and i accompanied her till 11 plus, when the nurse advised us that it would not do us good to stay on in the isolation ward. we then made our way home with a bad feeling.
12.05.08 Day 1
received a call from the hospital at 0815. my grandmother's heart was weakening by the minute and we were urged to rush down to the hospital. despite rushing down almost immediately, my grandmother had slipped away before any of us could reach her side. it was barely 3 minutes after. somehow when the news struck, it didnt hit me that much. perhaps deep in my innermost heart, i had already resigned to the fact that my grandmother is indeed very old and death is but another phase all of us have to go through. all of us gathered in the last office where the body was laid. the sight that greeted me when i first entered will always be etched in my heart. the ash-gray face looked unreal and unfamiliar, chilling the heart. there were many things to attend to and everyone was still in a state of distress. it had been 15 years since we last encountered bereavement in the family. we consulted the booklet given to us for the ideal undertaker. within an hour, the rites and undertaker were decided upon. everyone went on their way to attend to the task allocated to them. somehow, the job of liasing with the undertaker fell upon me. remarkably, decisions were made by us grandchildren and not the adults. by evening time, everything was more or less settled. friends started dropping by to offer their condolences. i am truly grateful to all who had been there physically to support me without delay. first was Winnie, followed by Poh Guan and subsequently Patrick, Wei Wei, Li Xiang came for the wake. Kin Sung, Hong Yan and Egwin arrived much later. nonetheless, all of them were pillars of support i was most thankful for.
Day 2 13.05.08
i was supposed to attend the appointment briefing but time forbids. more people attended the wake though they were mainly friends. Kin Sung, his mother and Hui Ru dropped by. after they left for home, i stayed for the night to relieve the other cousins who had stayed up the previous night. it was no mean feat to keep my eyes open but thanks to the company of my cousins, time sped by. it surprises me how much my cousins have wisen up. moreover, i was amazed by how natural conversations had started flowing. prior to this, i had limited contact with them as everyone was busy with their own agenda. perhaps times of adversity not only brings out the trait of responsibility in a person but also bond unlike people together.
Day 3 14.05.08
morning came and the adults took over the overseeing of the wake while the children retired. evening time, all of us were back in full force. guests swarmed in by the dozens and the place was packed. Yong Cheng, Si Min, Nelly, Charmaine, Michael, Egwin and Kin Sung turned up. their concern was deeply appreciated. when the very last guest had left, we were all bushed. it was another sleepless night as i stayed up with my cousins.
Day 4 15.05.08
picked my eldest sister from the airport. afterwhich we went back home for a rest. it was going to be a busy day. late afternoon, we were back to the wake. Buddhists rites were performed though my grandmother was a Christian, a baptized one at that, because my uncle does not recognize her religion. after the chanting and the prayers, the guests left one after another. i was supposed to stay the night with my eldest sister but somehow while waiting, i dozed off.
Day 5 16.05.08
early morning, everyone was busy cleaning up and preparing for the sending off. by 1230, the shifu came and performed one last ritual. it was at this point when tears started flowing freely from our eyes. it seemd that it struck everyone that it would be the last time we will see her and everyone acknowledged the fact that our loved one is truly gone. the funeral procession was relatively short and we made our way down to tze tho aun temple for the cremation. the sight of the incineration of the coffin and body was most saddening and painful to bear. after it all, we made our way back as everything had come to a full stop. there was no bringing back of my grandmother but what was left behind were memories to be treasured. though she may be gone, she is now safe in God's hands. throughout this entire epsiode, i learnt many valuable lessons though i still cant fathom the thinkings of an adult.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
the battle is finally over! after a torturous 2 weeks, i have concluded the very last chapter in my student life. provided nothing goes wrong, that is. mixed feelings tugged at my heart. relieved to be free from studies and exams yet depressed that i have really aged. it's unbelievable how it seemed like only yesterday when i first joined Arts Camp, first stepped into NUS. all the friendships, new and old, forged and strengthened, all the memories shared, all the time spent mugging together, will continue to hold a special place in my heart. special heartfelt thanks to all the wonderful friends who offered me company and gave me support during this time.
with effect from the 21st of July, i will enter into the next phase of my life. for the time being, it is time to indulge myself. a myriad of things-to-do run through my head. movies, games, cycling and self-enhancement.
