Complexity meets simplicity..
why am i so persistent? i'm just naively waiting for an answer that i'm never going to get. i've been telling myself to be strong, pick myself out from the pit he dug and get on with my life, but it seems abit futile. the more i convince myself not to think about it, in actual fact it remains in my heart even more than ever. some ppl said, in order to be truly set free, one has to let go, completely. can anyone tell me how can i do that? perhaps i'm more narrow-minded and petty, i find it so hard to ignore the niggling feeling within me. but why should i torture myself over another person's problem? when he apparently doesnt care a hoot about me? why am i still trapped in the past when he has actually flushed me out of his system? many many questions but no answers. anyway i guess our problem has become so great such that neither of us is going to take the first move to reconcile. probably we are never going to talk again marking the end of a friendship (or whatever ship we have). i'm tired..
will you go with me to a place if i ask you to? i doubt so. i've been taken for a ride far too many times that i cant help but be pessimistic. often, i've felt that perhaps guys' 'promises' are usually casual responses to a girl's request. after that, they forget all about the matter. but do they know how important it is to the girl? that is why my usual response to them is "we'll see how". cos i know more often than not, they wouldnt remember it. it is safer to keep my expectations low.
i finally know the reason behind my frequent dizzy spells. bp slightly on the low side. that's weird though. how can a fat person has low bp? i attribute it to the haze and the chemicals i'm in touch with every week. seriously, i'm beginning to have second thoughts about pursuing a career in the sciences. i'm a disaster waiting to happen. anyone who shared the same lab group as me can vouch for that (not like it's anything honorable). but hey, at least i brought laughter and amusement too k? lol.
