Complexity meets simplicity..
i had a dream. not martin luther king's kind of great aspiration. anyway i woke up feeling relieved. perhaps that's what n how i hope things will turn out. but somehow or other i've forgotten the exact details but i'm clear what's the ending. not sure if it'll come to pass though. as they said, dreams r the opposite of reality.
4l gathering this sat! it's been yrs since we last met up. wonder what the turn-up will be like? was surprised when anderson said if we not going then the guys wouldnt go too.. hmm.. i guess in a way the few of us are closer to them than the rest of the girls. but that was then ma.. so long since i talk to them might feel abit distant n awkward. aye.. tink it's just one of my unduly worries. the guys r always such crappers should be no problem. aha.
i'm beginning to feel the strain of my super hectic schedule.. i hate the 7 hrs of lab! n also the online discussion forum.. n most of all, the sucky timetable. end at 6 everyday.. i wanna go back to my last sem's timetable. when i go home at 2 every day. hmm..
i dread the coming of tmr..
Friday, August 25, 2006
i'm in a bad mood today. pms? haha. nope. just feeling kind of fed-up and irritated. y are there so many responsibilities that i must take upon myself? i'm feeling so sick n tired of having to do this n that. anyway this is more of a family problem so i shall not talk about it here.
another thing is y are there so many weird guys around me who cant seem to get a life? argh! was complaining to kelvin last night again. oops. i'm becoming nastier by the day.. i hope the guys in my life will just buzz off once n for all. perhaps a lesbian lifestyle will suit me better? i hate guys who treat girls like spare tyres!! who do u think u are? i'm not at ur beck n call. pester me when u r feeling lonely then ignore me when u have someone new. if u like me, it should be the other way round, mind u! yes i'm a feminist! so? cant stand it then dont. u r not obligated to bear with me.
i need to learn to be independent n strong. if i let myself fall in too hard, i might just not be able to pull myself out. i thought he was different from the rest.. just when i'm giving him n myself a chance, i realized it was a misjudgement right from the start..
i'm disappointed in u..
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
i was talking to kelvin the other night. n we got to talk about touchy guys cos of some encounters i have. ok. my definition of touchy guys: guys who cannot keep their hands to themselves (it doesnt have to be sensitive body parts of the girls but merely hands, shoulders etc) n so i told him it's common for guys nowadays to behave like this (even on first date) cos they r supposedly metrosexual n more in-touch with their feminine side. but still, i feel that there should still be a safe distance btwn guys n girls esp the first few times they go out together. alright. call me conservative (yes! i'm proud to be one!) at least kelvin agreed with me (old age guy as i called him). his view is that touchy guys have no respect for themselves n the girl (that's true in a way) well.. no matter how friendly u r, u dont go around putting ur arms around other girls or grabbing their hands right? those r reserved for when u know each othe better n r on closer terms. unless u think the girl is loose then u'll be this intimate with a stranger.. but occasional taps (means u dont put ur hand there with no intention of retracting it back) on the shoulder and mild pushing around will be acceptable cos i think it's just playful acts. sadly, increasing guys nowadays have no sense of propriety n they do not share the same viewpoint as me.
i saw the date n i found it quite familiar. is it someone's birthday? n finally, after 5 minutes, it dawned on me. it'll be 'our' 1 year anniversary (that is if we r still together). haha. some things r not worth remembering. oops!
am i becoming a habitual cougher? as in i cough bcos it's become a habit. that's what my colleagues said. the day when i stop coughing will be a miracle. duh.. then miracles happen too easily liao. anyway kelvin was telling me since the first day he met me i've been coughing. lol. i'm surprised he still remembers where we went the first time we met up.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
it's just the first week of sch n i'm barely surviving.. drats.. i'm totally clueless what the chem lecturers r talking about. it's as if it's totally not linked to what i've learnt all my life. argh!! as joyce said, just when we wanna concentrate n listen, we've totally no idea what the lecturers r saying.. sigh.. n it's not helping that i'm still sick.. yes. i've been sick on n off for 2 months liao. it all started before arts camp, worsened during the camp, then i was on the road to recovery. was fine for 2 to 3 days then i got sick again.. had fever twice in 3 days.. n i think the virus is more contagious now cos my boss n colleague r coughing now too. oops.. mummy seems to be infected too.. this is bad. i need to get well like now! i need a miracle!
i wanna go for the bash but i'm sick.. n i'm nt exactly that interested in the pageant too. haha. i wanna go klunch too. but my throat doesnt permit me to..
Monday, August 21, 2006
i must reiterate this point once more. i hate empty promises! pls dont tell me u want to do this, this, this with me; go there, there, there with me when u r incapable of accomplishing it. i dont like the feeling of disappointment. it's just like falling from the 50th storey to the ground. so, if u feel guilty of this, u should know what to do about ur 'promises' to me.
Friday, August 18, 2006
your eyes see what you look out for
isnt it true that what u see is usally shaped by ur own perception? if u held good impression of the person in the first place, u wouldnt really notice his/her flaws which u would otherwise have 'commented' on if u spot them in someone u dislike. it's only when u start to see things from a different point of view will u see things in a total new light. whatever these flaws are, they could have been there right from the beginning just that u chose to ignore it then. but well.. what makes u so sure u urself do not have these flaws too? as the bible says, so often, we r capable of amplifying others' mistakes but fail to scrutinize ourself. mm.. just do ur own part n dont be a busybody.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
my 3 month long vacation has finally come to an end. sad.. i wish sch never starts. 2 lectures yest. n i was like seeing stars for the first one. haha. i wish i can drop that module but i cant. second one was alright other than the fact that the lecturer is super lame. well.. at least i wouldnt fall asleep. haha. n i cant skip lectures either cos there'll be impromptu quizzes. so scheming the lecturers nowadays..
i'm in the office today though i'm sick. didnt want to come for work but mummy nagged me. n so here i am. well.. at least i'm feeling much better than last night. i think 4 hrs straight in the lt made me catch a chill. on the way home i could sense that i'm falling sick.. indeed when i reach home, fever n flu set in. wore a jacket then covered myself in 2 layers of blanket to sweat it out. n so the whole night was a fitful sleep as i wake up now n then to clear my throat, drink water just to visit the toilet shortly after. but alright. at least i think my system is getting cleaned up. =)
i'm abit too demanding. that's what my sis said. but i dont care. i want attention when i need it. especially when i'm feeling down or in some kind of trouble n i needed someone to talk to. if u cant provide a listening ear, i'll feel so disappointed. yes. i may be unrealistic to expect my other half to always be there for me. i cant help it either. i'm too much of an idealist n dreamer in this aspect.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
fireworks display is about to start soon! but i'm stuck at home.. all thanks to brian. to think i was so looking forward to it cos it's supposed to be the best performance. presented by france. but well.. i shall enjoy it alone in the comfort of my room. at least wouldnt be sweaty or pushing myself through throngs of ppl. started off with green blooms which were joined by gold, red and a mix of red n green ones. dazzling! the sky lighted up by a million stars! i like to see them shooting up into the sky, bursting into beautiful flowers (i saw a few which look like jellyfish too!) n falling back down to earth like a meteor shower. i never fail to be amazed n enthralled by fireworks. :p a most wonderful 12 minutes of fireworks exploding continuously! woo~ i wanted to scream n cheer so much. i guess i'm so addicted to cheering. waha. but i think my cough is back again cos my throat feels weird.. maybe bcos i'm talking too much too. n so it seems sometimes it is better to just take a step back n wait for the other person to make his move. be less proactive. yeah man! (i'm influenced by owk. haha)
i'm on cloud nine today!
love is magic. but magic can sometimes be an illusion.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
the soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
i feel like i'm on a roller coaster. one moment i'm up and the next i'm down.. n right now i feel like i'm in the pits. or maybe it's during the festive period when i feel exceptionally vulnerable. anyway i shall not talk or think about it anymore. i'm so not going to bother myself with this kind of things anymore. i really hate myself for being so naive. sticking my face to someone's ass. well.. i guess this is my limit. no amount of apologising will do any good cos i've hardened my heart. everything's back to square one and i've learnt to protect myself even more. shall stay in my own comfort zone from now on. i'm sick of trying so hard when at the end, i only get myself hurt n battered..
your heart is not living until it has experienced pain... the pain of love breaks open the heart, even if it is as hard as a rock.
what's the problem with u? what i'm doing now, where i'm working, how much i'm getting paid is none of ur business. n stop asking me out cos i've no intention to go out with anyone right now. n u, will definitely be the LAST person on this earth i want to see.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
i just want to dream.. ~!~
Happy Birthday Singapore!! n to all my fellowmen! 41 years of stability and prosperity is no easy feat n is testimonial to our leadership. alright. i sound abit too diplomatic. haha. but well.. i do appreciate our leaders n am thankful that i stay here. cos it's a pretty safe place (at least that's what i think though wei say i'm living in my own safe world, unaware of the dangers lurking everywhere) anyway i went to watch the fireworks display. hmm.. it didnt seem that fantastic as the previous one. no purple ones. in fact the colours n designs are too plain. aye.. plus the crowd n the obstructed view didnt really make it an exhilerating experience for me. maybe staying at home would be a wiser choice? no crowd to push me around n the view is perfectly clear. haha.
is it a good thing that i feel pangs of jealousy sometimes? seeing u being nice to ppl other than me? waiting for ur sms replies that my hp is always in my hands, ever-ready to reply? perhaps i'm starting to fall.. deeper in love with u.. but.. i'll try not to. bcos i'll expect more if we ever get together. it is different from now when i can still tolerate u not being 24/7 cos we r still friends. yes. i'm a selfish lover. i want to be loved but i'm not ready for committment. i want to be top priority but i wont place u at the top of my list.. that's how i am. n that's why i prefer to remain this way till i learn to give more than to receive. or perhaps till i find someone who accept me the way i am.
Monday, August 07, 2006
do i look abit too easy-going? this is really bad.. went out with adrian cos i owed him a treat for recommending me a job the other time. he treated me to a movie cos he was late (a pretty bad excuse?) but anyway all was fine until the movie. halfway to the movie, he tried to hold my hand. of cos i had to resist him. pulled my hand away n asked him to watch the movie. anyway it was a pretty bad show. dragon tiger gate. so fake. the walls all look like biscuits cos it break so easily? duh.. n i was like yawning throughout the whole thing, apart from having to peel my hands out from his hands.. i'm only too thankful when the show finally ended. made an excuse that i have to take care of my niece so i can hurry go home. sent me an sms after that n asked y i wont let him hold my hand? duhx.. we r just friends.. n so he asked me to accept him but i said i already like someone else. which is true to a certain extent. anyway i hated it when ppl tell me this kind of things over sms-es or msn. it just shows how much sincerity u have. i prefer it face-to-face. so i can better gauge if the person really means it. this is really bad.. do i have the word 'loose' on my face? sigh..
Saturday, August 05, 2006
i'm fantasizing about my own love story. thanks to wei n hui. their obsession with korean dramas is starting to rub off me. but i know i shouldnt be so impractical. those things will never happen in real life.
i had a sweet dream last night. of him. so much like a tv drama. we were walking along when he suddenly held my hand in his but i let go. but when he held it the second time i didnt let go. i could really feel the warmth in my heart though it is but a dream. n dreams r usually the opposite of reality. it'll never come to pass. i'm contented being friends with him. talking on msn. thanks lye for encouraging me to pursue what i like. but i dont think i will ever do it again. once bitten, twice shy. anyway i just enjoy the feeling of liking someone. sometimes the best way to love someone is to let go n see that he's happy.
Friday, August 04, 2006
had great fun singing at k box today!! it's the 1st time our outing was successful! yeah! like wei said, we shld be awarded the most faithful member. we meaning wei, xiang n me cos we've 100% attendance for all the outings so far. u name it we r there. waha.
it seems that ur friends play an important part in influencing ur decision. this is also applicable for relationships. so the first hurdle is to get past his/her friends. let them have a good impression of u n everything else will be easier. ha.
however, i'm glad i didnt really listen to them the previous time. when they asked me not to break up. instead i was quite firm on my decision n went along with what my heart tells me to. which turns out to be a wise decision. cant believe he's actually so childish. i thought i'd be nice to remain friends with him but apparently i was wrong. if u r really sincere, u wouldnt take 1 month to decide to remain friends right? but nvm. i dont want to behave like a petty girl. ok. so u've gOtten attached. that's ur way of telling me u've gotten over me. no problem with that. i'm happy for u. but u dont understand y i must say that. duh.. m i supposed to be upset? n so what if i'm not attached? i'm happy the way i am now. somehow i feel that he's trying to spite me. perhaps i'm thinking too much. anyway i'm kind of regretting it already. y did i even agree to remain friends with him?
wei: i agree with u now. guys can be such jerks..
Thursday, August 03, 2006
sch's starting in about a week. seems like i haven have enough fun n it's back to sch again. aye.. not like i'm going to mug when sch starts so i guess it doesnt really make any difference. waha.
watched hard candy last night. mmx.. i've got nothing much to say. the plot's pretty bad n it's quite draggy. psychotic 14 yr old girl.. anyway sorry that i suggested such a lousy show. next time we'll just go with the mainstream shows.
i've an oriental look. jap, korean, china, taiwan, hk n malaysian. lol.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
i've finally registered for 2 of my lab classes. i dont know what happened to the last module. it's missing.. hmmx.. anyway sci dept is pretty screwed up. made me a kan cheong spider. waha. had to help joyce n myself to reg plus the system's pretty stupid too. yeah! for now tues will still remain a free day for me. :P
i think i've been talking nonsense yest. my apologies. that's the result of insufficient sleep. hmm.. but somehow or other, some of what i said do make sense right? well.. we r 2 very different person from 2 different worlds. i dont know what u think but that's what i think. i am not hinting anything just voicing out my thoughts. or maybe i'm too straight for my own good too. i dont like suspense n ambiguity cos it keeps me guessing. for eg not knowing what the person really feel towards u.. but sometimes it's also the element of mystery that makes something interesting? aye.. i'm a contradicting person. so pls dont try to understand me. it's going to be hard.
isnt it true that man fall in love with their eyes while woman falls in love with their ears? =)
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
ok. i told myself i wouldnt blog but.. hmm.. anyway boss' reaction when he saw me was shock n unrecognition (almost). 'fresh' was the word he used though he'd actually thought of young n 'toot'. ok. i also think i look 'toot'. haha. but that is when i'm standing in dimly lit places. the colouring helped to make it look abit more trendy i guess?
anyway i went to hk cafe last nite. i thought being hk style they should serve steamed egg the dessert? disappointed.. anyway was quite sleepy the whole time when we sat at telok kurau park.. i cant believe i 'ton' till now n i still have 2 tuition scheduled later. busy busy day.
i like guys with nice voices! be it over the phone or not. it is 1 of the things that makes them attractive. waha.
isnt it sweet that someone stays up the whole night n msg u cos he knows u r outside n not sleeping? i'll call that sincerity though some will say he's crazy? hmm.. anyway i'm not the lucky one. :P
